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The idea feels logical and for the most part highly appropriate, but it shouldn’t blind us to the occasional claims of a contrary minority approach, this one founded on an awareness that friendship between people is ultimately based not on boosterish accounts of recent triumphs, but on the possibility of shared grief, sadness and melancholy.This may explain the surprisingly intense charm of attractive people who are resolutely not smiling – but instead look lost in thought, absorbed by their own sorrows and taken up with an internal dialogue around pain and loss.
Self-esteem doesn’t come from blowing kisses to your reflection in the mirror or repeating “I love myself” over and over.
Our longing for love is, at heart, powered by a desire to be understood and to understand.
Given how much of life is tragic in structure, it follows that for many of us, the sort of people we feel readiest to love are not going to be those who find the business of living obvious or easy; but those who are as puzzled and saddened by it as we are; those who feel a regular need to withdraw from the sentimental bonhomie of daily life; those who are alive to anxiety and catastrophe – and who may, like us, frequently feel close to tears at so much that is regretful and sad.
This doesn’t make either of them flawed or bad – sometimes it’s just not there.
Confident women don’t take it personally when a guy doesn’t want a romantic relationship.